When you divorce after twenty years of marriage, you wake up one day and realise that you have gone missing. That is not a gender specific thing, it applies universally I would imagine. You entered your union with the hope of conciliation and compromise, intent on building a family. And within that paradigm, something vanishes.
It’s not the same for all. As Jack Water the central character of Looking for Eden, muses that people fall into five categories:
- Devoutly single through fear of being hurt. Afraid of commitment. – Jarvis
- Suffocating in marriage and life and desperate to get off. – Ted
- Divorced, full of regret and lonely. – Me
- Strangely happy after twenty years of marriage. – ?
- Dead. – Stan
Post-divorce, you don’t enter a process of deconstruction, because you are there already. You just enter a kind of breathless torpor as you learn how to live again – the start of your own personal reconstruction. It can be a bitter, remorseful place.
And you begin to question everything. And in all that questioning, the search, the answers, the required wisdom that you need, it comes to you as a slow dribble – there are no epiphanies, no eureka moments – it’s like squeezing a rotten apple and the occasional pip comes out.
Which makes sense of course, because you are Looking for Eden.